If we all just vanished....

not another single entity would notice.  The plants would continue to grow, the ants would continue to build, the birds to sing, the frogs to croak and the worms to crawl.  there would be no mourning, no sorrow, life would continue, no life from anywhere else would care or even know we were there.  The world would continue to spin, water would flow, and the sun would shine.  we are unknown to everything on this planet,each and everyone of us, except to those that we have had direct contact with, and in most cases kill.  Not every ant on the planet knows we exsist, or frog or bird or fish.  we are no better than an ant and can be killed off with out a care to the rest of the planet just the same. Insignificance, we have it.

Everyone is giving up....

or getting dragged down by one thing or another.  I wish i was them, the ones who foght the good fight, the right fight, instead im surprised my parents still give a shit what happens to me with all the mean things ive said and done.  im to out spoken for myself and now i have little to no relation with my parents. I thought if i fought back they would ease up, but they didnt, things dont change, just the looks they give you and the words "i love you" mean a little less each time.  I figured "hey, why dont i stand up for myself, what can they really do? ground me then what, swat me, oh well pain only hurts for a minute." so i started standing up for myself, being more out spoken, not taking every1s crap.  And now im seen as heartless, cruel and un-caring, a horrible person, and they may be true, but i can say i stood up for myself. but when you have lost everything, what do you have to show for it? a bunch of hateful and resentful looks from the corners of your eyes, and the meanings of words change.  You can go about ignoring it, but you will only loose your sanity and become paranoid, or you can accept it, and feel a little worse about yourself as a person each day, i accepted it and i dont regret my choice.  but im definatly considering if i made the right choice.  Maybe i should have just listened to all the nagging about my grades, my chores, my hobbies, my activities, my siblings grades, my social life within the family.  Oh well, just some thoughts running through my mind at the moment as i sit here on my bed wondering about all the winding roads im taking, have taken and to yet be taken upon this thing known as life and my role within not only my own but every person whose i am in.

Sleep Deprivation

Nyeh, im losing sleep over silly things. well one night of lost sleep was my own fault for staying up ,till nearly 4 am and waking up at 6, and talking to my Zetta.  But the past few nights ive been having these odd dreams, which is odd in itself since i usually dont dream.  Well anyway, its usually the same scenario......my drwoning in a deep lake in some place really cold and relativly cloudy.  The water has a greenish tinge to it.  The way i fall in is usually different, like by my driving into it, or my falling off a bridge, but i always end up sinking.  As I sink into the abyss below i cant move my limbs, and i just stare up as air bubbles drift up to the surface. And right as i cant breathe, i wake up gasping for air with my heart racing, i usually walk around for a second and then go back to bed.  And at first i thought, oh fluke dream ill just go back to bed and have a different one or maybe none at all.  But then when i went back to sleep, bam, the same dream.  And the cycle repeated through out the night.  So im kinda sleep deprived running on 4-6 hrs of sleep since the morning of the 31st. Im kinda hoping this chain breaks cuz im kinda tired of waking up in the middle of the night gasping for air....