busy busy busy

i might be anywhere from a day to week behind on my challenges b/c as the title says, im busy busy busy........so yea........

DAY 12: SIGNS IM INTO SOMEONE

........ *sighs* damn you promises.......... well lets treat this like a band-aid and just rip it off and get it over with......

1. i wont look them in the eye

2. if im txt/skyping/msging them i'll keep erasing and re-writing a single message until im satisfied with how it looks

3. I delete other ppls txts to make room for theirs

4. im not very talkative around them

5. i look away quickly if they look at me

6. ill stay up late to talk to them

7. i make promises to them

8. ill tell them but usually after a few days after i made up my mind to do it (im such a coward XD)

9. ill smile when im around or talking to them

10. ill ignore others to talk to them

11. ill leave my friends and their conversation and go talk to them if i can

12. ill usually be more likly to give them or let them borrow somthing

ok i was kinda running out of idea and this was kinda rushed cuz of all thats going on, so yea......

DAY 13: BREAKING THE ICE

ummm.... ok, weird challenge but w/e........

1. "anyway....."

2. "sooooooo......."

3. punch em in the arm

4. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" (when no1 is talking)

5. glare at them until they feel akward and ask "what?"

6. continuous poking

7. walk up to them and inform them they are going to have a conversation with me at that instant in a formal  manner (i do it for the looks on their faces)

8. "omg your so boring! say somthing!"

9. "hi, horrible day today isnt it?"

10. "your hair looks awfully flamable......."

11."so i heard you liek treeckos?"

12. throw somthing at them

13. "hey you! ya you! w8! no! the guy on the left! no the other left! omg you r an idiot, nevermind!" (when yelling far distances)

so yea........ thats an odd list........ummmm....so yea.......

DAY 14: NOT SO BASIC FACTS

ummmm.....da hayal? not so basic facts? OAO  ummmm........

1. Im facinated by incomprehensible, if 90% or more cant figure it out i dedicate like a month to learning about it

2. I love to play mindgames with people

3. I love to draw but i cant draw worth crap in my opinion XD

4. I find others pain ammusing if i knew they could have avoided it

5. i wont accept help if i know i can do it on my own

6. I like balancing over longs drops for the adrenaline rush x3

7. I enjoy going faster when it comes to vehicles

8. I like to build things and draw schematics for different things

9. When i draw, if it isnt symetrical ill keep erasing and re-doing it until it is

10. I refuse to ever see a doctor for anything if i can avoid it

11. Im dedicated and once i have my heart set on something i wont give up on it

12. I have horrible luck in almost all matters of life XD

13. Im a morbid optimist i guess you could say

14. I dont accept compliments well at all XD

Well....... that was kinda annoying to type XD

i got the challenge things so lets start it off .........

DAY 15:  BASIC FACTS

1. I'm 6 ft tall

2. Im skin and bones XD

3. ive got brown hair

4.  hazel eyes

5. Im a guy

6. Taken

7. I have violent tendencies?

8. I have braces atm

9. I wear glasses

10. I dont go back on my word

11. I'm a lil old fashioned

12. I'm a certified red-neck within the state of Texas XD

13. I procrastinate

14. Im protective of my pride

15. Im very protective?

this is odd for me tbh.......

15 day challenge thingy.....

hmmm...... my beloved is trying to get me to do it and i guess ill cave this once (and prob not my last) and do the challenge......now to just get the lil pic thing from her so i can figure out what to do XD

the smile that fades

no reason to smile, no reason to cheer, optimism fading and i guess im reverting to days i thought had long past but they only waited for such an occasion and now i embrace the dark lonely comfort they offer. im done socializing and im just gonna go back to living the emotionless life i lead before, it seemed much easier that way, ill "smile" when ppl are around, do what im told, only give enough of a response, and just going day to day walking around like the lifeless corpse im so used too

If we all just vanished....

not another single entity would notice.  The plants would continue to grow, the ants would continue to build, the birds to sing, the frogs to croak and the worms to crawl.  there would be no mourning, no sorrow, life would continue, no life from anywhere else would care or even know we were there.  The world would continue to spin, water would flow, and the sun would shine.  we are unknown to everything on this planet,each and everyone of us, except to those that we have had direct contact with, and in most cases kill.  Not every ant on the planet knows we exsist, or frog or bird or fish.  we are no better than an ant and can be killed off with out a care to the rest of the planet just the same. Insignificance, we have it.

Everyone is giving up....

or getting dragged down by one thing or another.  I wish i was them, the ones who foght the good fight, the right fight, instead im surprised my parents still give a shit what happens to me with all the mean things ive said and done.  im to out spoken for myself and now i have little to no relation with my parents. I thought if i fought back they would ease up, but they didnt, things dont change, just the looks they give you and the words "i love you" mean a little less each time.  I figured "hey, why dont i stand up for myself, what can they really do? ground me then what, swat me, oh well pain only hurts for a minute." so i started standing up for myself, being more out spoken, not taking every1s crap.  And now im seen as heartless, cruel and un-caring, a horrible person, and they may be true, but i can say i stood up for myself. but when you have lost everything, what do you have to show for it? a bunch of hateful and resentful looks from the corners of your eyes, and the meanings of words change.  You can go about ignoring it, but you will only loose your sanity and become paranoid, or you can accept it, and feel a little worse about yourself as a person each day, i accepted it and i dont regret my choice.  but im definatly considering if i made the right choice.  Maybe i should have just listened to all the nagging about my grades, my chores, my hobbies, my activities, my siblings grades, my social life within the family.  Oh well, just some thoughts running through my mind at the moment as i sit here on my bed wondering about all the winding roads im taking, have taken and to yet be taken upon this thing known as life and my role within not only my own but every person whose i am in.

Sleep Deprivation

Nyeh, im losing sleep over silly things. well one night of lost sleep was my own fault for staying up ,till nearly 4 am and waking up at 6, and talking to my Zetta.  But the past few nights ive been having these odd dreams, which is odd in itself since i usually dont dream.  Well anyway, its usually the same scenario......my drwoning in a deep lake in some place really cold and relativly cloudy.  The water has a greenish tinge to it.  The way i fall in is usually different, like by my driving into it, or my falling off a bridge, but i always end up sinking.  As I sink into the abyss below i cant move my limbs, and i just stare up as air bubbles drift up to the surface. And right as i cant breathe, i wake up gasping for air with my heart racing, i usually walk around for a second and then go back to bed.  And at first i thought, oh fluke dream ill just go back to bed and have a different one or maybe none at all.  But then when i went back to sleep, bam, the same dream.  And the cycle repeated through out the night.  So im kinda sleep deprived running on 4-6 hrs of sleep since the morning of the 31st. Im kinda hoping this chain breaks cuz im kinda tired of waking up in the middle of the night gasping for air....

Guess ill bring it back

Im going to revive this thing just cuz i feel it a waste to kill it for no real purpose, it shall be revived and sshall rise to great power (or not)

*insert a title here*

i feel like a yo-yo expected to come back everytime im thrown, well im not, i probably would come back but its not fair, im not a toy or a play thing, i have feeling and emotions too. I might not express them or show it, but i hurt too.  Im kinda getting sick of it and it isnt fair to me.  Choices need to be made and decisions need to be stuck with.  I may not approve of them but they need to be stuck too. This must be a sigh to me though. All 3 ppl leave me alone. 1 dosnt know i exsist and only sees me as a friend, another is to needy and has to many problems and blames them on me, and the last lives half the world away and is bent on making herself miserable and cant find the light in anything....... I am done, this will prob be my last post on this thing, cuz i dun use it and i really dont care anymore.